Tomorrow will have photos!
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The Happy Hoarder - Day 1
by Janet S. Tiger
(c) 2015 all rights reserved
After visiting my mother's home today, I have made a decision. I am a hoarder and I do not want to be a hoarder.
I have known this for years, but now I have a goal to write about the weird things I hoard - and then discard them. I read that if you take a photo of the item to be discarded, it is easier to let go. Although I doubt this, I am going to try. (Somehow I sense I will be hoarding in the cloud - for those unfamiliar with this cloud, I will explain it in detail in a future blog)
For today's item, I have chosen blouses. That may seem like more than one item, and I hope it will be, but I fear I may not be able to choose more than one blouse to give away. For help, I am hoping to use an extremely mathematical method. I am donating any blouse that has a stain pattern rating beyond level three. Since this is a personal system, I will elucidate.
Level one - One stain is allowable usually no matter where it is - although directly over a chestal region can be iffy, usually you can pretend the stain just happened. You take off your sweater or jacket, and pretend to notice the stain for the first time. 'How did THAT get there?' you can exclaim, with the surprise worthy of a fine actress. Of course, you can never wear that blouse again in front of the same people, but who cares? This is a good incentive to make more friends.
Level two - Stain two creates an even iffier situation - fully dependent on the geography of the stains. If one is high and one is low, you can strategically place your hands over the lower stain. However, if the two stains are close, you can use the same reaction as in the one stain scenario - the logic being whatever caused the first stain caused both. But if the stains are of different origin, near to each other, therein lies the beginning of trouble. What can you do? Does a Tide pen really work? We all know the answer to that - the answer is.....maybe.
Just to clarify - these stains referred to are old stains. Just like older people, they have a history, and their history can be happy or sad. A delicious chocolate sundae that creates a permanent stain never yields the same anger or annoyance as the spattered taco sauce from when your ex told you he was leaving you- for your 18 year old cousin- and you sputtered something unintelligible as the hot redness dripped on your brand new white silk top.
So, we are now to stain level three- the highest level attainable. Why? Because by the time there are more than two stains, you are past wearing the blouse in public, this blouse has now been reassigned to the clean-up pile of clothing- only to be worn when cleaning the bathroom or helping a hoarding friend move.
Makes some sense, right? Then why the hoarding? Because, no matter how I rationalize saving to avoid spending, I cannot find a reason to have 39 blouses that are designated as 'clean-up only'. (And that does not include the uncounted blouses in the boxes in my storage shed)
So, now, I am going to look at the blouses. And photograph them, stains and all. And then I will give them to Amvets. And pray they have a home for them......that some poor soul will pay a quarter for a stained blouse that has seen better days.
Oops, it's getting late, and it is hard to see stains at night. So I will wait until daylight, and I will sleep well, and hope to rid myself of more of this hoard......day by day. But I can have a good laugh over this because that is the way I will become....the Happy (former) Hoarder!
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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
Yeah! She is still writing; in spite of creating 365--oops, make that 366 monologues within a year! She keeps on going! We love it!
ReplyDeleteBlog--good idea. Photos--good idea. Keep 'em commin'
Eat My Words is not my identity. My niece got on my computer and changed things.
ReplyDeleteWaiting for her return next month.
I'll just sign on/off as Veronica
ReplyDelete