Happy Hoarder Day # 13 I Dreamt of Clutter Feb. 27, 2015

  Happy Hoarder  Day # 13  I Dreamt of Clutter Feb. 27, 2015
 A journey into cleaning up a big pile of..... hoard
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                                                I Dreamt of...... Clutter

                                             

                                                            by Janet S. Tiger   

                                                (c) 2015     all rights reserved

                                                      tigerteam1@gmail.com

For those unfamiliar with this blog, to understand today's post, you may want to read yesterday's.  I asked the question, how do you throw away dreams? What the hell does that mean anyways?  I don't think I know, but I will try to unravel the ball of string (probably saved somewhere in my domain) that led me to this revelation.

On Day # 9, I discussed deferred decisions, but then, yesterday, I started to grasp that the most serious clutter is within.  Anger, annoyance, prejudice, self-pity, self-loathing (those last two dance together) and the scariest - self-denial.  That one covers three problems - denying oneself (the pleasures of many things, including a neatened area), just plain denial (which ain't a river in Egypt if you say it properly) of reality, and the biggie - denial of one's .....self.   We are not our junk, we are not the things we have, or lost.  Yet somehow, the loss of something beloved creates a hole, which we need to fill somehow.  If we work at the loss, grieve through all the steps, find another to love (human or animal or other passion), then I doubt if I would need to hold onto all these other pieces of junk.

Nature abhors a vacuum, so when I do not address the losses of dreams I once had, then the items I save fill in - not well, but so what?  The job is done.  And I am surrounded by my substitute substitutions. 

The receipts I save represent the dreams I once had that money would be less of a problem one day - look, I had money to buy things even when times were tight.  The records of a business long gone recalls the good times, which flood back when I see the old pages, when dreams of the future were in color and yet to come. And the biggest, the dream that I would have been a great success as a writer when I was young enough to enjoy it.  That dream is gone, but I am working to replace it with a dream that my writing's success will be shown through how it helped people, how what I wrote changed others....that is not a youthful dream, so I can hold it now.......it takes up no room, but it fills me with great happiness.  I go to sleep.... with a smile on my face. (Hopefully I will remember to wear something else when I awaken, or else my roommates complain.)

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Janet S. Tiger    858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8