A journey into cleaning up a big pile of....... hoard
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Photos will attach (I hope- if they ever arrive from my phone!)
The X Factor
by Janet S. Tiger
The X Factor
by Janet S. Tiger
(c) 2015 all rights reserved
I have been thinking about the X factor in things. That unknown. In hoarding, I think it can be called the Xcess factor, because we have too much Xtra stuff. And most of this stuff is far from Xtraordinary.
So why hold on? (Side note, I am nominating the country song 'I Hold On' to be the official hoarders anthem. Listen and you'll see what I mean!) I think fear is the overriding factor here -the fear of loss. Of never seeing that item again. Of needing it, and not having it. This is Xtremely upsetting (if you think I might be Xagerrating this X thing, that I get too Xcited about word games like this, please note that there are 1475 words beginning in 'ex', so I'm just getting started!)
Where was I? I was avoiding the subject of fear - which is tied to pretending that this fear over items is not connected to a real and present fear of.....the loss of something truly important. Someone we love. The fear of that is understandable, but who can talk about it all the time without being put into a rubber room? So we hide those fears under piles of things we are afraid to discard.
I guess I will have to face these fears head-on. What a collision in my brain! Who am I afraid of losing? Family. Friends. People I have come to admire on TV. Well, mostly family and friends, but that is enough to stop and make me think. Maybe all this stuff to throw out could be taking precious time away from spending time with them. Hmmm, sounds like a possibility.
Let me take this newfound courage and find something to discard......
I think I am ready to get rid of what I now call...my baby growing housedress. (see yesterday's post for details) There is a photo, and I have put the dress into the give away box. It is very difficult to do. I have done difficult things in my life, but why is this so rough?
Perhaps throwing out old ideas is even harder than throwing away old clothes. Perhaps the ideas are woven into the soul, and need to be Xcised (see I snuck another one in) with a needle that can remove the tatoo.....or is it too deep? Too much into the muscle?
Is it easier to remember the babies when they were babies, growing inside, then newly born, with only the freshness upon them? So do I look to save a hint of that memory.? Xactly what am I trying to save? The fact that they are not children anymore, they will only be children in my brain and heart and memory.
The X is also for x-ing out the items to be discarded, crossed off the list. To make room for new. The question is....new what?
Goodbye old dress.....I knew ye well......
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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com
Member Dramatists Guild since 1983
Playwright-in-Residence
Swedenborg Hall 2006-8
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