Happy Hoarder: March 2015

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 45 Better Left Unseen March 31, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 45 Better Left Unseen March 31, 2015
A journey into cleaning up a big pile of..... hoard

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Better Left Unseen

by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

I have been told by my family that some things are better left unphotographed - such as the freezer items discarded today. It was a fast and furious declutter, as I do not want to have my fridge die due to my inability to get rid of food that we might just possibly never eat. (The food was unidentifiable- with frosty freezer burn - on what's left of the bones. My daughter was going to make a soup......)

I am upset to throw away food (as you know from earlier days of this blog) but these are.....just sad. Some things are better left unseen - and perhaps, in this case, better left unsaid.

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Monday, March 30, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 44 The Search March 30, 2015

A journey into cleaning up a big pile of..... hoard
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The Search

by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

The opposite of having too much is having too little. But in between is the land of....lost. You have the item, you just had it, in your hand, and now....like black magic, you don't. It's gone. And you have the chance to make.....the journey to the land of 'where is that damned........'(fill in the blank)

Ah, the search! The greatest writing of mankind has dealt with...the search! For the Holy Grail, the Lost Ark, the perfect mate, the Fountain of Youth, the Golden Fleece, El Dorado......the perfect burger.

All impossible to find, which is why the search continues......and now I have figured out why we lose things. The secret is in the need to hunt for something.....that we may never attain. All the biggies take a long time to look for.....but when we lose our glasses, our keys, our cell phones, dentures.....those have a definite location - somewhere in our home. They are near! We might actually find the item if we look quickly, if we look hard enough, if WE DO NOT GIVE UP!

So the hunt begins....where did we see the item last? There is a bit of madness mixed with....you know it's true, the joy of the hunt. Yes, joy. Almost a form of meditation. The mind becomes focused like a beam of light. All else disappears except the need to FIND THE ITEM!

Where is it? Where is it hiding? Did someone steal it? A stranger....or worse....A FAMILY MEMBER? Did the dog hide it somewhere? Did something cover it up, only to be discovered when the newspaper from two days ago is finally read? Did it fall into the garbage pail - or worse, into a gap in the space-time continuum?

Where is that goshdarned......(fill in the blank)!!!!

And the item is lost when we need it most - the computer is asking for a credit card and our purse has gone awol - and we have thirty seconds to get THE GREATEST DEAL OF THE CENTURY !.....we want to watch that episode we've been waiting to see all week and our $200 glasses cannot be found ANYWHERE ....or.....we are walking out the door, already late to that important meeting and THAT WAS THE LAST SET OF CAR KEYS!

But in de-cluttering, we add the element of a horror story.....if the item can't be found quickly....could it have been....GIVEN AWAY.....or worse......(bold is for worse) THROWN INTO THE GARBAGE! This final option is the most difficult, because...here's the rationale....if the item was donated, there is a tiny, teeny chance that the item.....could be found. (Watch old Brady Bunch re-runs to see this fantasy come to life) But if it's in the garbage dump, the truth hits....even if we found it..... would we REALLY

want it back?

The photo above is from yesterday - improved from the day before, but not as good as tomorrow. Hmm, that sounds like another song. I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.......Oh, no, it's stuck in my brain! Now hoarding music, that's a real horror.... those ear worms are impossible to get rid of! Help!

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 43 Like Sand Art Through the Hourglass March 29, 2015

A journey into cleaning up a big pile of..... hoard
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Like Sand Art Through the Hourglass

by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

My daughter had to throw out the pictured sand art (above) I could not do it - even with her permission. She had made the sand art - actually salt art - when she was about five years old. So this memento had items she had last touched with her hands when her hands were five.

She wrapped it in a bag and placed it in the pail - I sniffled a bit as everyone laughed at me (as usual)
The words from an old soap opera rang in my brain - like sands through the hourglass, so, too, are the days of our lives. I think the name of the show was....Sands Through the Hourglass. Or could it have been ....Days of Our Lives?....Can't recall..... So much for accurate memories of the past.....

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 42 Yvil Yvonne and the Patio of Doom March 28, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 42 Yvil Yvonne and the Patio of Doom March 28, 2015
A journey into cleaning up a big pile of..... hoard
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Yvil Yvonne and the Patio of Doom

by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

At last, a day of success. See the photos? Before...not so good..... and lots of throw away. After photos tomorrow. And following so many days of searching the multitudinous reasons for my hoarding, I get going for real de-hoarding with the help of dear friend Yvonne (AKA Evil Yvonne - see Day #7 now to be known as.....drumroll...... Yvil Yvonne!!!!)

She is not able to lift anything, nor can she do much physically (she has a very bad back) but she is able to do something much more effective....she can laugh me into action. She gives me a look, and it can help push me over the edge, I mean help push me to put the item over the edge into the garbage. The patio is frightful - lots of odds 'n ends, all indispensable of course - and the job also involves decisions of various magnitude.

A hard one - an old bookcase that was my son's as a little boy, complete with stickers on the side. How can I part with this gem? It is a part of his life. He carries it to the Amvets giveaway pile, also laughing at me

. (I love my son, but I am afraid he has no soul when it comes to sentimentality.)

The worst is finding a box of old children's books - the lid came off, and the tragedy is evident - rain has created a disaster.....to throw away moldy books makes me cry, yet Yvonne is able to save the day by pointing out she can take the non-moldy ones to her grandchildren. I hold my suffering to a minimum......tearing up until Yvonne looks at me and says, 'Jan'.....she tilts her head and I am over it, since we break out into laughter.

We laugh until the job is almost done - and I can take a real break. A chocolate break - I get rid of some excess chocolate floating around my house. Rewards are sweet after a hard day! Lemme at the rest....after a little more rest, I'll be ready.

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Friday, March 27, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 41 The Original Towel Lady March 27, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 41 The Original Towel Lady March 27, 2015
A journey into cleaning up a big pile of..... hoard
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The Original Towel Lady

by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

Okay, you know I hoard. I know I hoard. So it will not be a big surprise that I have a few extra towels. Okay, many extra towels. OKAY ALREADY! I have a household with four adults and I have enough towels so that each of them could be allotted.......twenty-five towels each! That's right, I may have as many as....100 towels! I stopped counting around 50 - and now I have to de-hoard them. And giving them away to people I know will use them is still difficult, because one day, if I get out of the shower, what if......I don't have a towel for me?

I will have to improvise. Maybe an old.....tablecloth, I have dozens of those. Or perhaps a curtain.......Amvets is coming Monday, my goal is half the towels - I can rid my closets of the dirty and torn and ripped and bleached out ones........maybe.

Through all I've gone through, I thank God I have my sanity, as I have little else, and now, I'm not so sure about this sanity stuff.......

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I am known for a monologue called THE TOWEL LADY - for those who wish to see it, there are several online - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZ1At8dh9sM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5JPTyEODhM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgPhsmUdGQA

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 40 The Junkmobile March 26, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 40 The Junkmobile March 26, 2015
A journey into cleaning up a big pile of..... hoard
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The Junkmobile

by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

Once a lovely family minivan, now a junkmobile. Instead of a large, expensive storage unit I now use my old, non-smoggable van as....a junk bunker.

It is sad, yet, after the clearing of my driveway (I see the light at the end of the tunnel on this, and it's not a train!) my next task will be emptying this hardworking van, and then selling it for scrap.

It costs much less than the storage units did - but they were free at first, like cocaine offered to a newbie in the addict market. Then, after the first month, they charge....real money. So I closed those down (I had two!) and brought the contents into my driveway, and into the van, which is parked in a lot nearby.

What possesses me to hold onto this stuff? I fear I know the real, deep reason, even though I've been trying to face it for - is it 40 days? Like Noah in the rain, I am sailing into uncharted territory for me - I am ....not as confident as I once was. There it is. The truth. I worry about where I put things (what if I need something I can't find?) where I got things (why am I saving something for sentimental value if I can't remember who gave it to me?), and worse, what to do if I have given something away...and I need it.

In my youth, I didn't worry about these things - I had confidence I could solve all problems. And then life happened, and I found that, sometimes, I couldn't. That's the scary part of life. Much worse than anything else - not being able to fix something...for yourself...or the worst, for those you love. I have to have the confidence that, whatever happens, I can handle it.....and if I can't, then I have to leave it in the hands of a higher power.

Confidence....from the Latin....con fideo....with faith......so maybe the idea of let go, let God, is just a bigger way...of letting go of all the stuff I no longer need.

Appropriate now, for a vehicle filled with junk....that cannot be driven away. Please God, take the wheel, I'm letting go........

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 39 Re-run March 25, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 39 March 25, 2015
A journey into cleaning up a big pile of..... hoard
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Re-run

by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

It may not seem like much, but I clean out my fridge - top shelf - today. Only a half hour, but I consider it a de-cluttering of great difficulty. Why? Because I am throwing away food. I've done it before, but it seems more difficult sometimes. A day, okay, part of a day, of discarding old moldy food feels.....cleansing as I know we will never use these rotting vittles. But no matter how good it feels, a part of me cries when I have to toss green and feathery items.

The words of my youth - 'there are people starving' - actually mean something now, as I have met refugees and survivors of horrors I can only read about - people that actually have been hungry.

So I vow to try to be better at organizing the blessed food we have, refrigerated, safe......and mostly delicious. At least I can put the rotting veggies in my son's worm box outside. The worms are happy, and....so am I. As my daughter says, I am so very easily amused.

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 38 Lot'sa Memories March 24, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 38 March 24, 2015
A journey into cleaning up a big pile of..... hoard
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Lot'sa Memories

by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

On a busy day, when I have only had a few brief successes - some broken earrings, a hook for a wall - both discarded with my approval by my husband, who could not understand why I had originally asked him to save these paltry items. They take up almost no room, except in memory land.

Lot's wife was turned into a pillar of salt when she looked back - I have always wondered if maybe, just maybe, that was all her tears, dried out in the desert heat. For tears are the stepchildren of memories, left behind when you have nothing left to feel.

So I am tired today - as the memory of this last year settles in. I have a bit more time, so I think back to how far I have come in a year. How 12 measly months ago we were about to move - but had no idea where.

A memory filled with many other memories, like the Russian eggs. Fear, hope, excitement. Worry, anticipation.....and a big healthy dose of - how the hell am I gonna move all this junk?

Yet, here I am, a year later, in a place I love, with - and this is a friend's estimate, not mine - 95 % less stuff. Do these memories take up too much room? Should I let go of these memories? Is there a collection service - Veterans of Recycled Memories? - that will come and get these old feelings?

Will letting them go give me more space in my mind....in my heart?
And - most important - are they tax deductible? (If anyone has an answer, please let me know...April 15th is almost here!)

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Monday, March 23, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 37 Rewind March 23, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 37 Rewind March 23, 2015
A journey into cleaning up a big pile of..... hoard
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Rewind

by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

I lied. Well, maybe stretched the truth. I said I was getting rid of those bras from Bra-vo Day # 35 , but I held on for a few more days, since the Amvets pick-up won't be until Thursday, I thought, maybe I can work in my driveway wearing this old rusty thing one more time - to make sure I have gotten my full money's worth out of it.

Then I looked at the rusty spots again. And noticed a major rip, actual holes starting to appear in the rusted fabric.

Perhaps......Amvets will just throw this in the garbage - and that's what I should be doing. The thought was almost frightening. Then I came to my senses. (Well, maybe that's not a good word) I started thinking (again, maybe not the best explanation).....okay, I was trying to hang on to the bra, figuring, listen to this one, folks, it's a doozy, maybe I could write to the manufacturer and LET THEM KNOW ABOUT THE RUST.

Another brainstorm - and I do mean that I am all wet! First of all, I have been happy to find out that this company STILL MANUFACTURES THIS STYLE AND NUMBER. And what if, just what if, I let them know about the rust and they decide - not to use better wire, but to NEVER MANUFACTURE THIS STYLE AGAIN!

I have to take a deep breath to accept the breadth of my jump here - look at the power I have given myself. That I actually think that contacting a company with a problem could result in a real change. (This is based on a belief I have that one vote makes a difference - and I will never change that belief)

But I also identify another issue - I AM throwing something away - with both hands. MY TIME! Every second I think about this old trusty, rusty, $3.94, had it for over six years - bra, I throw away my precious minutes.

So, I take the bra and - believe it or not - throw it into the garbage pail with other real garbage. (To be fair, I did need help from my daughter who said she had never met anyone so sentimental about garbage)

Because it is rusted and ripped, I do not care about it enough to worry if it will have friends to talk with in the dump (See yesterday's insanity to understand this craziness!)

So, I have taken another step forward. I think. I have faced a lie, and tried to fix it. Only time will tell if the fabric of truth will hold better …..than the bra.......

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315

JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 36 A Basket Case March 22, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 36 A Basket Case March 22, 2015
A journey into cleaning up a big pile of..... hoard
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A Basket Case

by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

One would think this broken laundry basket is a slam dunk for the garbage heap. One would - if one was normal. But I, I look at this poor, wounded basket, loyal to the end, as a trusted friend - one with a lovely orange color that I enjoy looking at when I carry the dirty clothes to the washer and back.

It had

been slightly broken around the edge for a few months - but I could ignore that. The basket still worked - it held the clothing.

So I put up with the injured part - as one might ignore a bad finger....or two or three.

Then the crack ruptured all the way down the side, and parts began snapping off. The moments of usefulness were numbered, especially when one of the sharpened edges cut me - and ripped some of the clothing.

It is a shame to put this pretty color into the dirty pail.....I fear it cannot be recycled, and that makes me very sad. Perhaps it will end up in a nice dump, with other household items nearby, to be able to talk with (as opposed to, say, dirty diapers - how much in common could a lovely smooth orange basket have with actual pathetic smelly stuff?)

But I digress - I take the photo, and the item is snapped apart to fit into the pail. A tiny part of my brain cries. Who's the basket case now? Don't answer that, it was a rhetorical question.

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 35 Bra -vo March 21, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 35 Bra -vo March 21, 2015
A journey into cleaning up a big pile of..... hoard
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Bra -vo

by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

My daughter discouraged me from this post, but I feel it is an important one for me (and I rarely listen to good advice anyhow)

The photo says it all - a rusted brassiere hooking section - the hooks and wires. It may be time to retire this undergarment. But it has not fallen apart completely. A big part of holding on is the deeper question - why would anyone put a non-stainless metal into an object that is going to be washed multiple times over many years?

And the next question - why would asking a silly question and never getting the answer STOP ME FROM DISCARDING THE OFFENDING UNMENTIONABLE?

Yet by including this item in my blog, my daughter - yes, the one who advised me not to discuss this - informed me that the inventor of the strap closure was one of my favorite...authors! Mark Twain!

So by forcing myself to deal with the irrational retention of very ugly clothing, I have, once again learned something about the world....and about myself.

And I said goodbye to the rusty bras. Donated, of course, because, some woman, somewhere, might be crazy enough to want an old, rusty used brassiere next to her skin. Wait, that woman could be.....me.

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8

Friday, March 20, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 34 Boxed Out March 20, 2015

Happy Hoarder Day # 34 Boxed Out March 20, 2015
A journey into cleaning up a big pile of..... hoard

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Boxed Out

by Janet S. Tiger

tigerteam1@gmail.com

One small box for the recycling, one giant leap for....me.

Today was hectic, but not a lot of time to declutter. However, a major event did occur.

I put a box into the recycler.

Not just any box, mind you.

A new box. One from an item just opened. And item put into use, and THE BOX IS NOW GONE.

This never has happened before - especially with such a lovely, perfect little box. A box that is just the right size for a gift to be shipped in - a box with nice straight, hard sides, still never stepped on, with no bugs inside, no mold from having been outside for a few months in a damp place.

A sweet box. Able to protect a tender little item...dare I say the words? Maybe I ....love this box......and.......maybe I should not recycle it ....just yet. But, alas, it is too late.....the box is gone, along with all its potential to do good. A tear wells up in my eye.

Yes, it may be only one box, and maybe I am proud I have learned to throw out this type of item....but ......you probably will guess this.....I am

also a bit sad.

But I will go on......wait, isn't there a song for that? Sing it, Celine!

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Janet S. Tiger 858-736-6315
JanetSTigerMonologueMania.blogspot.com

www.JanetSTiger.weebly.com

Member Dramatists Guild since 1983

Playwright-in-Residence

Swedenborg Hall 2006-8